The Mountain Folk Thread

For my dear friend Billy Bob!

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Looks like we need to find more hillbillys.

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I figured I would mosey on over, for a spell.

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Well bust ma balls!! This place and thread are workin agin. I'll tell Clem cuz he sed he didn't believe that it would be back and stopped checkin. When I tell Sweet, she'll probly eat everything she can find then continue celebratin having me light up her farts. That be fricken dangerius.

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I've been hankerin fer sum gopher since last spring when I hit one with my truck.

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I've never had gopher but a dood back in July 2023 brought us a rooster and it was awesome. I had like 3 bowls of rooster soup while I lived in the tent, other people probably ate 4 bowls.

I sometimes miss my tent, but I love this Department of Housing units. I met so many interesting doods while I was up poo creek without a paddle.

Life is kind of funny in that way, a buddy said, "I was lucky to meet all the doods who were also up poo creek..." But I like to think they were lucky to meet me too!

One of the first things I told a good friend was I was one of the best things to happen to 99.95% of people and it turned out to be totally true!

She made dozens of friends and it really helped her with a sense of "community".

And multiple buddies lives worked out awesome.

There's one buddy who did a runner after rooting over another buddy but mentioned in his last text to me that his life was great too!

In a screwy kind of way, everything worked out really awesome for everydood!

Now for the hippies...

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I lost pert near ev'rything when my homeplace along the Swannanoa flooded. All my kinfolk have perished. I don't even got a shootin' iron.

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Here's a copy of my ma's possum stew recipe.
https://imgur.com/a/r3tAgHk

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Howdy folks, this here is Billy Bob. Thanks to Elaine for fixing the site. Jolene blowed out a shart but it was average at best, y'all shoulda seen what she done on Christmas Day. That were a nuclear blast fer the ages.

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I hit a groundhog on the way to work today so I tossed the carcass in the truck and drove on. Tonight we gonna eat fresh roadkill. Jolene likes to use the grease left over to fry taters with onion and turnips.


I ain't heared nothin bout that that mamsquatch lately, but Bobby Ray did say that he heard some boar hogs disappeared from a farm near here back around Christmas.

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I hit a groundhog on the way to work today so I tossed the carcass in the truck and drove on. Tonight we gonna eat fresh roadkill. Jolene likes to use the grease left over to fry taters with onion and turnips.

I ain't heared nothin bout that that mamsquatch lately, but Bobby Ray did say that he heard some boar hogs disappeared from a farm near here back around Christmas.

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Dang Nammit! I hav bean criss crossin all over da place and still can't seem to find the outhouse. Bout ready to dig a hole! Did one of you steel it!

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Lackin' my shooting iron, I mostly et what I trap. Squirrels are chanchy, I feel qualmish from too many squirrels.

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We is goin trappin tonite. We got a bunch o' pesky coyotes around here and them pelts is worth sum money.

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I do luv some possum.


Me and Bobby Ray is goin to try to trap some coyots up yonder in the hills tonite. I reckon they mite be 20-30 up there. Anyhoo since nobody seen the Mamsquatch lately I reckon itll be safe.

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Me and Bobby Ray just got our camo set up fer the weekend and we got sum traps set out aways over yonder. Just now we both heared a high pitched screech noise what skeered us sumpthin powerful. It weren't a coyote, owl or a turkey, and it weren't Ol' Josephus.

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There it is again. Psst. Bobby Ray did y'all just hear that? He said he heard it to. The sound the beast makes when she is pleasurin herself. Oh no! I really think it's her! Let's get out o here.

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Groundhog stuffed with turnips is to gud vittles to waste on the dogs. That's the kind o fancy eatin we have fer Chrismus and thanksgivin.

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Hey Clem,

Well me and Sweet managed to get through the Sunday preechin without getting tolt to leave and never cum back. We sat downwind from where the snake handler was, sose every time she farted, it was blowed away by the wind. Same with the smell from her sharts.

Sweet had a good time a hootin and a hollerin while the preacher played with the snake. Afterwards, he done some miracles by placing his hands on the heads of some sick people and made them get well. I axed him if he could do it to Sweet and make her stop fartin and shartin. He said he only does small miracles, not big’uns.

We were able to stay till the end for the first time in a long time. Sweet was a bit mad at me fer asking the preacher fer a miracle fer her. She made horrible smellin farts all the way home and afore she got out of the truck, she lifted up her dress and dropped a load right on the seat.

Later

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DAYUM!! Sweet is one gross person, even for a hillbilly!

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Not to mention what she does with dead fish!!!

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We got bout two inches o rain already today and I reckon it's only gonna get worse. At least it's an excuse fer Jolene to get a bath. I hear tell the mamsquatch is beginnin to stir. A bull vanished from a farm down the road the other day. When it was finally found it had been drained dry. It ain't safe for man nor beast when the Mamsquatch is in the mood.

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Mamsquatch! I just saw her in the back yard. I looked out just in time to see her sneak behind the barn. I fired a shot out the winder to skeer her away.

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It come a snow Sunday mornin so we stayed home. I heard that six boar hogs went missin from a farm up yonder in the hills yesterday.

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I heard that six boar hogs went missin from a farm up yonder in the hills yesterday.

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Well doggy!

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A Mamsquatch caught me last night and I'm glad. I was working outside in the cold and she warmed me up while draining me.

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Was it worth the smell?

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Me and Bobby Ray decided to go coyote huntin tonite. We didn't git no
roadkill this week so we gotta impervise.

We set up huntin camp on the top o' a hill way out in the sticks. I reckon it's nothin but woods fer at least five miles in ever direction. With no moon it is pitch dark hereabouts. Bobby Ray is skeered we gonna get cot by the Mamsquatch tonite, but I toll him that she don't come out in this weather. I don't think he believed it though.

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Uh... We just heated a critter what sounded like a Mamsquatch howlin. It definitely weren't no coyote, owl, bobcat, of fox. It sounded like it came from west of us maybe a quarter mile.

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I have gots to poop. Where is my thread?

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It's down below.



Anyhoo we heared a strange noise a few minutes ago. It sounded like somebody takin a big stick and poundin on a tree.

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Hey Cletus,

Congatleations on being able to go to a Sunday preechin and not get thrown out. Looks likes y’all have somewhere ta go fer a while anyways. Yep, keeping Sweet downwind frum the preacher and his flock was a dadburn good idea.

It’ll take more than miracle to keep Sweet frum farting and shartin. The preacher done good by not even tryin to do one casue it’d just get Sweet all riled up and you knows what she mightta done. Turned around, bend over and let’em have it!

Me and Earlene went over ta town to a big church. There was all kind of fancy singers and such. Earlene aint much on singin, but she sure does like to clap her hands and move likes she’s a havin a conniption. She even laid down on ta floor and began slitherin like a snake. She’s funny.

later

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That thar Sweet oughta be ashamed fer all that air pollution.

We went to the meetin house today and of course Jolene let out the loudest butt rumbler ever.

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It's not only air pollution from farts, its also her cooter smelling like dead fish AND letting all her rounders out in the sun to ferment and stink.

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Granny what vittles are y'all cookin tonite?