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Popcorn Sutton
1/28/2025 1:05 pm GMT

The Mountain Folk Thread

For my dear friend Billy Bob!

Billy Bob
1/29/2025 1:54 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Howdy. I reckon the mamsquatch ain't been around hereabouts lately, at least I ain't heared no reports of such. That whopper snowfall in Panermaw City mite have skeered her.

Cousin Earl
1/29/2025 8:18 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Greetins an salutations to all. The man up to the turkey farm got me a job seminatin turkeys. So far I like my job and my perole ocifer is happy.

Anonymous Coward
1/29/2025 6:38 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Looks like we need to find more hillbillys.
smiley

Smell Ribson
1/30/2025 6:29 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I figured I would mosey on over, for a spell.

Cletus
1/30/2025 9:02 pm GMT

Avatar for Cletus

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Well bust ma balls!! This place and thread are workin agin. I'll tell Clem cuz he sed he didn't believe that it would be back and stopped checkin. When I tell Sweet, she'll probly eat everything she can find then continue celebratin having me light up her farts. That be fricken dangerius.
smiley

Granma Moses
1/30/2025 9:22 pm GMT

Vittles is Cookin'

I got some gopher gravy with turnips and onions in the oven, coffee's on the stove and it'll soon be boilin', hardtack's in the cubbard, we'll have us a banquet here afore long.

Granma Moses
1/31/2025 12:02 am GMT

VITTLES!

C'mon get it now you reprobates. There's gopher in that there stew from the one I found by the creek the other day, it weren't too swelled up when I found it, so the meat's good. And they's some smoked fatback made from a possum I shot last week. The turnips and onions are fresh today, so if you taste dirt you know why. One of you rascals get out the hardtack, along with whatever else is in there, pickles and what not.

Billy Bob
1/31/2025 2:22 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I've been hankerin fer sum gopher since last spring when I hit one with my truck.

Nowie
1/31/2025 5:57 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I've never had gopher but a dood back in July 2023 brought us a rooster and it was awesome. I had like 3 bowls of rooster soup while I lived in the tent, other people probably ate 4 bowls.

I sometimes miss my tent, but I love this Department of Housing units. I met so many interesting doods while I was up poo creek without a paddle.

Life is kind of funny in that way, a buddy said, "I was lucky to meet all the doods who were also up poo creek..." But I like to think they were lucky to meet me too!

One of the first things I told a good friend was I was one of the best things to happen to 99.95% of people and it turned out to be totally true!

She made dozens of friends and it really helped her with a sense of "community".

And multiple buddies lives worked out awesome.

There's one buddy who did a runner after rooting over another buddy but mentioned in his last text to me that his life was great too!

In a screwy kind of way, everything worked out really awesome for everydood!

Now for the hippies...
smiley

Cousin Earl
1/31/2025 1:48 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I was possum hunting and I smelled that limburger smell so I ran back to the house and hid. I never did see nothing but I heard them stories of hunters lost in the woods getting abducted.

Granma Moses
1/31/2025 10:26 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Okay, now I did the cookin, now someun git in thet thar kitchen and clean them dishes en whut not. Later I'll whip up a mock apple pie, I got one apple and a mess a crackers, they'll do. Now I gotta go check the still and refill my medicine bottle.

Smell Ribson
2/1/2025 7:47 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I lost pert near ev'rything when my homeplace along the Swannanoa flooded. All my kinfolk have perished. I don't even got a shootin' iron.

Clem
2/2/2025 2:51 pm GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Here's a copy of my ma's possum stew recipe.
https://imgur.com/a/r3tAgHk
smiley

Cousin Earl
2/2/2025 8:58 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Lulu been watching these boys trapping and cooking coyotes on the internet and now she wants me to bring one home.

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/2/2025 10:04 pm GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Howdy folks, this here is Billy Bob. Thanks to Elaine for fixing the site. Jolene blowed out a shart but it was average at best, y'all shoulda seen what she done on Christmas Day. That were a nuclear blast fer the ages.

Cousin Earl
2/4/2025 12:59 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Well we with the rescue squad now on the way to the hospital. We didn't know that coyote are dogs. Lulu and I are allergic and we having trouble breathing throat swoled up a real big mess over here.

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/5/2025 6:00 pm GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I hit a groundhog on the way to work today so I tossed the carcass in the truck and drove on. Tonight we gonna eat fresh roadkill. Jolene likes to use the grease left over to fry taters with onion and turnips.


I ain't heared nothin bout that that mamsquatch lately, but Bobby Ray did say that he heard some boar hogs disappeared from a farm near here back around Christmas.

Nowie
2/5/2025 11:07 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread


I hit a groundhog on the way to work today so I tossed the carcass in the truck and drove on. Tonight we gonna eat fresh roadkill. Jolene likes to use the grease left over to fry taters with onion and turnips.

I ain't heared nothin bout that that mamsquatch lately, but Bobby Ray did say that he heard some boar hogs disappeared from a farm near here back around Christmas.


Late last year buddy of mine goes he picked up a hitchhiking wallaby who was just lying around on the side of the road and my buddy tossed the wallaby to a croc because he likes crocs, but a couple of days ago he wanted to pick up a bush turkey because they're mighty fine eating.

My buddy's a country dood like you fellows, but he counts it as an "L" picking up a fat chick...

Homer
2/6/2025 4:05 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Dang Nammit! I hav bean criss crossin all over da place and still can't seem to find the outhouse. Bout ready to dig a hole! Did one of you steel it!

Granma Moses
2/6/2025 11:57 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I was out scavengin fer supper eerlier, came across an old polecat, it aint fit fer eatin, but I kin skin it and make doo-dads. I ended up findin a rabbits nest and cleaned it out, whomped em good. So wees havin them an a bucket o taters, with grits an cream gravy, an sum celerys. Also apples an gram crackers wif huckleberry jam fer desert.

Hay now heres a good joke. So why did the duck die? Because its doctor was a quack. Ha ha, thats a good un they tell in Branson.

Smell Ribson
2/7/2025 1:48 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Lackin' my shooting iron, I mostly et what I trap. Squirrels are chanchy, I feel qualmish from too many squirrels.

Anonymous Coward
2/7/2025 7:49 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

We is goin trappin tonite. We got a bunch o' pesky coyotes around here and them pelts is worth sum money.

Granma Moses
2/7/2025 9:44 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Thanky, Clem fer dat possum stew recipe, witch I used to make supper wif a groundhog, becaws the possums is all been eatin round here. Now lemme tell you what it were delishus, lip smakin good it were.

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/7/2025 11:10 pm GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I do luv some possum.


Me and Bobby Ray is goin to try to trap some coyots up yonder in the hills tonite. I reckon they mite be 20-30 up there. Anyhoo since nobody seen the Mamsquatch lately I reckon itll be safe.

Granma Moses
2/8/2025 2:34 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Folks sed they seen a mamsquatch round here, but it were just Josephus goin to the outhouse in his old brown robe, he do look like one in thet thar robe, hes so fat and hairy. Hope he dont get shot one a these days.

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/8/2025 2:46 am GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Me and Bobby Ray just got our camo set up fer the weekend and we got sum traps set out aways over yonder. Just now we both heared a high pitched screech noise what skeered us sumpthin powerful. It weren't a coyote, owl or a turkey, and it weren't Ol' Josephus.

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/8/2025 6:42 am GMT

Avatar for Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

There it is again. Psst. Bobby Ray did y'all just hear that? He said he heard it to. The sound the beast makes when she is pleasurin herself. Oh no! I really think it's her! Let's get out o here.

Granma Moses
2/8/2025 2:56 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Josephus is in Raleigh sellin the tobacca crop, he might get shot over there tho, he been shot at afore. Thet mansquatch better stay away from here, I got my bean shooter so you git now, mansquatch.

Today wes airin out the dog, hes fulla farts from eatin a dead coon, so in the shed he goes. Hush now, Bruno, thets what you get fer eatin road scraps insteda whut yo mama give ya, groundhog innards mushed wif turnips. Thet dog dont no how good he gots it.

Bobby Ray
2/8/2025 6:23 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Groundhog stuffed with turnips is to gud vittles to waste on the dogs. That's the kind o fancy eatin we have fer Chrismus and thanksgivin.

Cletus
2/9/2025 4:55 pm GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Hey Clem,

Well me and Sweet managed to get through the Sunday preechin without getting tolt to leave and never cum back. We sat downwind from where the snake handler was, sose every time she farted, it was blowed away by the wind. Same with the smell from her sharts.

Sweet had a good time a hootin and a hollerin while the preacher played with the snake. Afterwards, he done some miracles by placing his hands on the heads of some sick people and made them get well. I axed him if he could do it to Sweet and make her stop fartin and shartin. He said he only does small miracles, not big’uns.

We were able to stay till the end for the first time in a long time. Sweet was a bit mad at me fer asking the preacher fer a miracle fer her. She made horrible smellin farts all the way home and afore she got out of the truck, she lifted up her dress and dropped a load right on the seat.

Later

Anonymous Coward
2/11/2025 1:05 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

DAYUM!! Sweet is one gross person, even for a hillbilly!
smiley

Anonymous Coward
2/12/2025 1:26 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Not to mention what she does with dead fish!!!
smiley

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/15/2025 8:22 pm GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

We got bout two inches o rain already today and I reckon it's only gonna get worse. At least it's an excuse fer Jolene to get a bath. I hear tell the mamsquatch is beginnin to stir. A bull vanished from a farm down the road the other day. When it was finally found it had been drained dry. It ain't safe for man nor beast when the Mamsquatch is in the mood.

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/16/2025 4:32 am GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Mamsquatch! I just saw her in the back yard. I looked out just in time to see her sneak behind the barn. I fired a shot out the winder to skeer her away.

Anonymous Coward
2/17/2025 8:18 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

It come a snow Sunday mornin so we stayed home. I heard that six boar hogs went missin from a farm up yonder in the hills yesterday.

Elaine
2/18/2025 8:03 pm GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I heard that six boar hogs went missin from a farm up yonder in the hills yesterday.

Bacon!
Well medicated for your protection. ॐ ♡

Granma Moses
2/19/2025 12:18 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Well, its colder then brass balls out, so wees fixin to hibernate the next few days, eat a lot beans to keep the propane bill down, heat the house the old fashioned way like the pioneers, they were a flatulent bunch too.

But the house is much improved since them old days, nowadays we got a sink in the kichun, and even a seat on the toilet. Now all we need is indoor plumbing like them city slickers on the TV. And some day we might also have a TV.

Granma Moses
2/20/2025 10:28 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Good mornin, yawl. Dang, thet goshdurn cat let a mouse git into the grits, now awl we gots fer brekfest is fatback an turnip bottums. Dang, I was reely lookin forwart to them grits. Welp, at leest thet durn cat finely cawt thet durn mouse en ate it, so now eye'll put its brekfest (a fish hed) in wif them turnip bottums. Ida still rather a had them grits tho, dang.

Paw got a slinter on his "bottom" (blush) the other day ferm the toilit seet, so we sent it out to get fixed. We gots a old life ring ferm a WW2 destroyer as a substitoot seet, witch I akshully like better, butt not paw, he sez it makes him see sick when he goes "poo" (blush).

Welp shucks, thar gos the dinger on tha oven, them turnips an fatback ar dun, gotta go yawl.

Anonymous Coward
2/21/2025 3:03 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Well doggy!

Rufus
2/21/2025 6:34 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

A Mamsquatch caught me last night and I'm glad. I was working outside in the cold and she warmed me up while draining me.
smiley

Anonymous Coward
2/22/2025 2:16 pm GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Was it worth the smell?
smiley

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/23/2025 1:07 am GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Me and Bobby Ray decided to go coyote huntin tonite. We didn't git no
roadkill this week so we gotta impervise.

We set up huntin camp on the top o' a hill way out in the sticks. I reckon it's nothin but woods fer at least five miles in ever direction. With no moon it is pitch dark hereabouts. Bobby Ray is skeered we gonna get cot by the Mamsquatch tonite, but I toll him that she don't come out in this weather. I don't think he believed it though.

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/23/2025 3:18 am GMT

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RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Uh... We just heated a critter what sounded like a Mamsquatch howlin. It definitely weren't no coyote, owl, bobcat, of fox. It sounded like it came from west of us maybe a quarter mile.

Big Richard
2/23/2025 4:46 am GMT

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I have gots to poop. Where is my thread?

Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner
2/23/2025 5:22 am GMT

Avatar for Billy Bob Pro Moonshiner

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

It's down below.



Anyhoo we heared a strange noise a few minutes ago. It sounded like somebody takin a big stick and poundin on a tree.

Clem
2/23/2025 8:27 pm GMT

Avatar for Clem

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Hey Cletus,

Congatleations on being able to go to a Sunday preechin and not get thrown out. Looks likes y’all have somewhere ta go fer a while anyways. Yep, keeping Sweet downwind frum the preacher and his flock was a dadburn good idea.

It’ll take more than miracle to keep Sweet frum farting and shartin. The preacher done good by not even tryin to do one casue it’d just get Sweet all riled up and you knows what she mightta done. Turned around, bend over and let’em have it!

Me and Earlene went over ta town to a big church. There was all kind of fancy singers and such. Earlene aint much on singin, but she sure does like to clap her hands and move likes she’s a havin a conniption. She even laid down on ta floor and began slitherin like a snake. She’s funny.

later